We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
