i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
