I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
