and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
