Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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