i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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