I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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