No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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