I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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