All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
