the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
