dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize