i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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