Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
