he puts the penis in happiness.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
