Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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