Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
