so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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