So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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