Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
