My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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