toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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