return my video game
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
