im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
