So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
