we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
even my farts smell like vagina
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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