Too much gin, very little bucket
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
