You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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