I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
