Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
