Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My pussy is not your playground.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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