You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
