Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
