im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize