I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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