Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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