I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
