I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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