Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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