I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize