awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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