I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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