We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
