I wish I could punch you in the face.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
