WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
