getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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