There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
