so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have fence marks all over my body
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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