these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
