Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
