just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
