Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
