question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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