Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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