Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
