if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
