Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
