if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
