New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
