I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
