I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
