How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
