I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
