it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
