worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I supernannyed him into submission
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
