watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
worst night to have a conscience
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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