i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
