My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
