all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
