Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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